Turbulent Emotions
by NextGeneration18
Summary: Loki knew that she was adopted. All of Asgard could see that she didn't resemble the king and queen. But the last thing she expected to find out that she wasn't Asgardian. Takes place during the first Thor movie after she finds out she's a Frost Giant. Fem!Loki x Thor Fem!Loki/Thor Thorki


**Hey, guys! I know I have been quiet for a while but I'm back with a new story, this time, trying my hand at Thor. I saw Ragnarok on Monday so it's been on my mind (don't worry there's not any spoilers are going to be given away), but this takes place around the time of the first Thor movie after Loki figures out that she's really a Frost Giant. There will be some elements of an AU, such as she knew she was adopted, Odin's lie about her parents, and, of course, her feelings for Thor. It's just a warning that it's not going to be completely accurate to the first movie, but then again, neither is Loki being a woman, lol.**

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Loki slammed her chamber doors behind her then tangled her fingers into her hair. She couldn't think; she could barely feel the breaths that were heaving her chest. All she could feel was the hot rage boiling from the center of her heart ready to explode.

She kicked one of the green embroidered footrests to the side as she briskly strode to her vanity and looked into the mirror. Stormy, haunted green eyes stared back at her, one partially covered by a black strand of hair. Unable to contain her anger any longer she swept the makeup and perfume off the vanity with a loud cry.

She rested her elbows onto the surface as she sat down, covering her head with her hands and arms feeling heated sobs shake her chest; she wasn't sure if they were out of rage or out of grief.

Loki had known she was adopted. She had looked nothing like Frigga and Odin; _that_ had not been hard to figure out. Even her thick-skulled adopted brother had figured it out before his parents had told her when she was a child. She just didn't know where she had come from.

Growing up, Odin had always told her that her parents had died in a battle against the Frost Giants. Her mother was part of the Valkyrie and her father was a soldier in Odin's army. When they had perished in war, Odin had felt responsible for such a senseless battle that had cost so many Asgardian lives. He had taken Loki in as his own daughter as the start of a new age in Asgard. An age of peace and prosperity instead of domination and blood.

What a lie.

Loki jumped at the sound of a hard fist banging on the thick oaken door.

"Loki?"

She wiped the tears away from her face only realizing at that moment that she had been crying.

"Go away, Thor."

"Please; Father told me."

Loki drew in shaky breath. She didn't want to see him at the moment; didn't want him to see her. How could he look at her the same after being told what he now knew?

"Loki? Please."

Persistent as ever. It was reminiscing of when they were children and he would always come to her door with an idea or a new adventure to trek.

 _Loki, do you want to jump the waterfall?_

 _I just thought of something, Loki! How about we climb the trees near the lake?_

 _Do you want to have a snowball fight, Loki?_

"I'll be right here when you're ready."

Loki tapped her foot against the golden tiles of her bedroom floor. Thor wasn't one for patience. If she waited a few moments more, she would hear his heavy footsteps disappearing down the hall.

Until she heard him slide down her bedroom door to sit on the floor.

Loki leaned her head back and groaned under her breath. Fine. Let him see her. Let him pity her. The sooner she did that, the sooner he would leave.

She got up and all about stomped across the room and opened the door letting him fall into her entrance.

"You happy?" She crossed her arms and looked down into his concerned eyes as he lay there looking up at her. By the nine realms, he looked like a child from where she was standing.

Thor stood up and closed the door behind him.

"Father spoke to me."

"As you have already stated." She clenched her teeth as she saw only concern and love; not an ounce of pity.

"How are you doing?"

"As well as anybody could be expected to be in the process of healing from the discovery that you're the daughter of the Frost ogre king instead of valiant warriors of Asgard."

Thor took in a sharp breath then sighed.

"It was abominable of him to keep that from you."

Loki couldn't hold back a dry laugh.

"'Abominable'; yes, that's a pretty good way of putting it." She looked away.

"He told you why he did it though, correct?"

Loki lifted her chin and set her jaw tight before responding.

"Of course. But I can't help but wonder if it was to soften the blow of the initial 'Oh, I took you in for the potential of you being a peace treaty between me and your birth realm.'"

"Odin loves you."

"Does he?" She hated the note of vulnerability that slipped at the two words.

Thor took a step forward.

"Of course he does. Father was a different man back then. He regrets the original reason he had taken you in."

"But it doesn't change that original reason." She crossed her arms more tightly against her body in an attempt to keep her vulnerability in check. Thor had always been able to disarm her in a way no one else could, and right now, being disarmed was the last thing she wanted. Better to nurse the anger and resentment then to face the one fact that had been bothering her.

"No," Thor's voice was unusually soft, "It doesn't."

The concern in his blue eyes had turned into a look of compassion. Now she want' sure which emotion was worse.

He cautiously took another step toward her, and she moved back one. She wanted him near her too much. It had always bothered her how much she was drawn to him, how she relished every hug and kiss he had given her over the years. She had always craved more, and now, she was in danger of giving in to that decade long yearning.

Thor stopped in his place, receiving the implied message.

"What bothers you more, Loki? That Father lied to you about your birth realm or that you were abandoned?"

Loki took in a sharp breath as his words struck the chord that she had tried to hide. Perhaps he wasn't as thick-skulled as he let on. Then again, she had always known that he had a brain to use; it just unnerved her every time he used it he came to a correct conclusion.

Thor nodded as Loki felt her jaw tighten then she looked away.

"I thought that's what it might have been. Growing up you said your one comfort in being an orphan was the knowledge that your parents died honorably in battle. Now you don't have that."

Loki cursed her lip for quivering as she turned her back to him. She took a few deep breaths then covered her mouth. She nearly jumped when she felt the weight of Thor's heavy hands on her shoulders; she hadn't heard him walk up to her. She wanted to lash out, to throw them off her shoulders. But right now, she didn't have the emotional strength to follow through with that desire.

Instead, she gave into her former desire and allowed him to rub and massage her shoulders before gently drawing her into one of his famous bear hugs.

"What are you thinking?" He asked as she felt herself coming undone as he kissed the top of her ebony head.

 _Danger, danger._

Loki ignored her warning signal as she turned around in his arms and rested her cheek against his chest.

She couldn't think past the tears that she was fighting with tiny gasps.

She drew in a quicker breath as she felt Thor's hand rub her back.

"Let it out, _ketta_ ," his voice was now tender.

Loki decided to give in to her grief. Not for long, but for just a few minutes to clear her mind. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face into chest and began to weep.

She was only an inch shorter than Thor was, but her willowy frame still got lost in big arms, and she allowed herself, just this once, to get lost in his warmth and comfort in an attempt to heal the ache that throbbed her heart.

When she was through, she didn't retreat from his arms right away, for she got lost in her thoughts as Thor stroked her hair.

"Did he ever love me?" She finally questioned.

"Of course Odin loves you."

"No, not Odin; Laufey."

"Oh." She felt his hand paused mid-stroke.

"Did he even notice that I was gone?"

"I can't answer that for you."

"I know; I'm just thinking out loud."

The answer, however, was rhetorical. If Laufey had loved her, then he would have torn the whole nine realms just to find her. Instead, he did nothing; it was hard pressed that he even noticed she was missing at first. And if he had, he obviously hadn't cared.

"Laufey may not have love you." Thor gently pushed her at arm's length, "but here, you have never known anything but love. Why do you doubt me?"

She hadn't meant to let her feelings be made so plain on her face, but that had always been the case with Thor; her subconscious had always told her that she never had to hide anything from him and as a result she always had been more expressional around him.

"I've never doubted anyone loved me, it's just that…" Thor cocked his head again, reminding her of a child, "I've always felt that people just…only tolerated me at the same time."

"In…what way?" Loki cursed herself for feeling her stomach flutter as she wiped her tears away with his thumb.

"I've always been…different from the rest of you and your little band of soldier friends. All they can talk about are battles and feasts, both of which bore me. The only one who thinks like me is your mother. Even Sif, the only female around my age that I know is like that."

"Ah, I see. So you feel a little…out of place."

"Yes. And aside from those facts, I never knew why. But now, it just makes so much more sense."

"Loki, look at me."

Loki forced herself to look into his intense blue eyes.

"I can't imagine my life without you. I would have been so bored and lonely growing up."

Loki raised an eyebrow.

"You…literally just imagined your life without me."

"Yes." Thor winced, "I just realized my own irony.

"Correction: I don't _want_ to imagine my life without you." He cupped her cheek with one of his large hands and fingered a lock of her hair with the other.

Loki swallowed at his unusual display of physical affection. There was something different about him; the way he looked at her, how tenderly he was touching her.

 _It…it cannot be possible._

"I know nothing I can say can make the pain of abandonment and Father's lies go away." Loki willed herself to keep steady as he slowly slid his hands down her shoulders, down her arms and took her hands into his own, "But know that I am here for you; always." He kissed them both, ever the prince of Asgard. "Do you wish me to stay longer?"

 _Yes, please. Don't ever leave me._

"I think I can manage a few hours without the regality of the Prince of Asgard."

Thor chuckled, the sparkle returning to his eyes, "There's the Loki I know." He rubbed her arm and then turned to leave.

He pused before opening the door.

"Loki," He turned around, "For all his faults, whatever his original intentions were, Father loves you now; you're the daughter he never had."

She felt the tenderness harden as she stiffened at Thor's words.

"That may be; but he has a long way before earning my forgiveness."

Thor nodded.

"I imagine so. Should I expect you at dinner?"

She didn't even have to think to answer.

"No; I shall have it sent here."

Thor nodded one last time before opening the door.

"Then I shall see you whenever I shall see you again." He cast her a wry smile before he disappeared, letting the door shut behind him.

Loki let out the breath she hadn't known she had been holding.

Her arms were shaking, but not from rage like she would have been a half hour ago. She walked to her bed and sat down on the emerald sheets. Her turbulent emotions were making her head swim. How she felt about Thor, her anger against Odin, her sense of betrayal form Freyja. How could she have gone along with her husband's lies?

She supposed there was a bit of benevolent intentions concerning Odin's lies. What adopted father would want to tell their child that they were abandoned by their parents, and not just abandoned, but left for dead in the frozen wasteland? She might have been tempted to spin a story of a heroic death just to shield her child form the truth herself, were she to ever take in a child of her own.

Two inner voices were speaking to her, one begging, the other taunting.

 _He may have not loved you then, but he loves you now._

 _ **Lies. He doesn't deserve your forgiveness.**_

 _He kept that story to protect you._

 _ **If he really loved you he wouldn't have kept you from the truth.**_

 _Think about what could have happened if word got to Laufey that you were alive: he would have taken you back, but he never would have loved you._

 _ **Lies.**_

Loki willed her mind to be quiet and to think about something else; Odin's lies and truths were too confusing to think about at the moment. She tried to think about something calming.

Thor's face and gentle blue eyes appeared in her head and Loki immediately stamped it out with a groan. She lay on her bed and reached for her silk pillow.

Odin may have changed from a tyrant to a loving father, but he still didn't deserve forgiveness for this.

Not now; not ever.

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 **So this was my first Thor fanfic so please let me know how I did! I'd love to hear your honest feedback on this! For those of you who were wondering,** _ **ketta**_ **is the Norwegian word for female cat. I can imagine that would be Thor's nickname for her, because Loki's so elusive and mysterious.**


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